Why you don’t want to get married ?

 

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Why you don’t want to get married?
You are 19. This is the right age. The younger you marry, better it is for you.

I wish I could tell you this but I respect you so….with her lips sealed, she broods over ….

“~~~yes I am 19…that enkindles me with a hope.
A hope to fly with my wings to chase my dreams.
A hope to be me and topple and stumble and arise and learn to live fully, by being me.
A hope to explore and to enlighten myself to face this resilient world ahead.
And a hope to grow; grow into a woman well-grounded yet with a voice. ~~~”

You have crossed even 18 now.
When will you have some wisdom?
Why don’t you understand it’s your life?

With a deep sigh yet unruffled demeanour, she ruminates…..

“~~~Yes, I am aware I am above 18(legal age for girls to get married in India). As far as legalities are concerned, are you aware that forced marriage is a violation of fundamental Human Rights? That implies I have the freedom to choose whether I get married or not, when to get married, and whom to get married.

Obviously, marriage will not infuse wisdom into my mind, may be time and life experiences will but how is it concerned with being married or not!
I understand too it’s my life and that’s why I don’t want to comply on this. Getting married is a choice and I reason out that I have the right to make crucial choices about my own life. ~~~”

Don’t you see, Nina already got married and nicely settled in New York. Why it is that you don’t want to get married?

If only I could tell you this aloud but I love you so as it might hurt you..words playing all over her mind, she is thinking….

~~~To make you feel better, perhaps Nina always waited for this Prince Charming from time immemorial. Or may be she was choiceless. This might hurt you though! Now I remember why in the whole world New York was her favourite destination! ~~~”

Haven’t you studied for 15 long years? What is it with all these unnecessary excuses you got? More studies? What is the use of higher studies, when after marriage all you have to do is to raise kids and take care of your family which is so important?

With a heavy heart and sullen face, henceforth she ponders….

 “~~~Oh yes I knew this was coming! Interpretations like this makes me feel numb at one side and on the other to revolt with whatever strength I got. It makes me cry, makes me scream, scream it out. But then I realise that somewhere you have lost your own voice, your own self with years of conditioned mind and prejudiced heart toying all over you. So I feel helpless for you and care to remain speechless.

Fifteen long years..let me rethink….that makes my sweet little brother got only three more years to pursue his education. But how on earth, can he be a doctor or an engineer as much as you desperately want him to be going by this ’15 long years’ logic. Or is it that he is entitled for more than 15 years to seek for whatever he aspires to be!

Now I realise that the scope for any kind of pursuit of knowledge and learning has to be eyed through blue&pink colour scheme(gender specific). How dumb I can get! It’s there for a long long time, so why question? Does it even matter if I say that I am all flesh and blood with a heart and soul too just as much as him!

And the thing you said about family; Raising kids and taking care of family is a big, big responsibility and requires tremendous maturity and endurance. I honour those family values. With kids, It’s like little life in your hand. And I am not prepared for it.~~~”

I just pray that everything is normal with you! I am asking you now, don’t play with my patience. Why don’t you put some words in your mouth and respond instead standing there mum like a figurine, from that time? 

With a colour of mischief in her eyes she playfully muses…

~~~Normal! What does that mean now! Oh, I so get it! Thank God you didn’t scout my personal diary which still got that post card of Cristiano Ronaldo intact… He is so…. I feel flushed now. Let’s talk something else~~~”

But then suddenly she collects her bearing. With those doleful eyes tearless yet drowned with melancholia… words floating all through her veins, she deeply reflects…..

“~~~There is so much to say. But will you understand what I mean to say!
Would you open your mind whole heartedly to embrace fresh new unbiased ideas?
Would you be my confidant and guide and let me be what I want to be?
I just want to live a fulfilled life. Will you take that from me just because I am a girl!
And have trust on me as I will never break your trust. If you would then I have so much to say…
As much as you think I am against marriage, to your surprise, I value marriage. Marriage is an institution in itself and it brings meaning to your life. With marriage starts a new chapter in your life,momentous and delicate and appeals for lifelong commitment and calls for two different shared life.
I don’t want to get married just to settle down. Neither I want to get married to follow a religious convention or to maintain a traditional belief.
I don’t want to get married to enhance my individual status or identity; just for the sake of being called Mrs…and definitely not for some economic or immigration benefit(I just hope Nina is happy there!).

At 19, I barely know myself. Whenever I want to jump the wagon or decide to get married, I want to do it for all the right reasons. I want to get married too but for love, for togetherness, for commitment, for a family of my own, for someone whom I can trust and devote no matter what, for time perpetual.

Haven’t you heard ‘Happily ever after’ is not a fairy tale….it’s a choice.
I will be glad, if you did rather asked me :

Why you don’t want to get married ‘Now‘?

How I wish I could have told you all this and more! But somewhere I am aware that it’s pointless and moreover I choose not to distress you so. ~~~”

This time you better respond as Why you don’t want to get married?

“~~~I thought….In my silence, you will find my confession and my utterance as I was sure you will understand that. But if you still insist…~~~”

And finally for the first time, she retorts aloud:

“Because, I don’t want to be another you.”

Only god can help you!

With a spring in her step and raring to go,  she picks up her Canvas Jute college bag and chuckles confidently,

God helps those who help themselves.”

 

 

Ref: The genesis of this short fiction comes from a real life incident. In certain stratum of society, the sad truth lingers; when a boy is born, there’s jubilation, songs of success and prayers for his bright future but with the birth of a girl, the first thing which crosses parent’s mind is her marriage. As if a girl is born to get married. An inexperienced, immature girl is emotionally coerced to get married in her early young age pressurised by these partial standards. It’s a vicious cycle and a blow to her self-worth. With this practice, a path towards individual aspiration and self-realisation is brazenly compromised just because she is a girl. How justifiable or reasonable is that?

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47 thoughts on “Why you don’t want to get married ?

  1. Things are changing 🙂 There are parents, in India, who now let their daughters decide when they want to get married. Let us hope they lead the way to a better tomorrow!

    • Of course it’s changing I am glad and hopeful it will further for betterment..as you and me have not been doing what we are now, otherwise..in that case we are blessed but there are many who are not…and I came across a situation like that just few days before fresh on my mind for real which made me wonder…is this the same 21st century we talk about! And believe me there are many instances like this sometimes in day to day life which makes one feel sad and annoyed

  2. This was exactly something that has been keeping me busy in my own thoughts…ample of thoughts filled in mind but couldn’t just spill over…Thanks for this Post..I’ll Reblog this..!!

  3. Little they know about life, those young ones. If you quote that God help’s those who help themselves, then you should know that this doesn’t work one way. IMHO above saying is no excuse for not wanting to care about the possible values attached to the knowlege about God’s existence.

    • I think you are misinterpreting it….what the proverb means as much as I am aware of: it talks about one of the greatest quality a human being can possess and that’s called self initiative or being proactive…that implies if you strive and work hard, then God will always help you and be by your side….let’s not create an issue with an idiom especially as it misleads the main pathos of such a delicate issue. For me it’s one of the best proverb for people who are zealous and dedicated….the girl in the post is a sensible young protagonist who represents that, trying to fight out one of the social malaise or evil against gender biases with her progressive thought process, yet well grounded demeanour….I hope you realise the premise.

      • Like with so many other things there exist the surface, and then there exists a reality of deeper meaning, especially with the proverb under discussion. IMHO there does not exist an automatism per se. Unless people realise what their duties towards their Creator are and how to achieve those respective objects, how could they hope for anything?

        Be that as it may, everybody, of course, is entitled to have his own idea of something.

        Gender bias is a big word and I don’t know whether such a political issue could be helpful to support that struggling protagonist. The world-wide reality (you may want to check any statistic on this topic) clearly says that marriages proposed by parents are the most successful ones. Just because parts of contemporary zeitgeist consider certain systems as discredited, doesn’t say anything about the value or degradation of that very system.

        Of course I respect the struggle of the protagonist under discusion. Who am I not to do so? However, if the decided course of action includes to go public, then the one or other critique cannot be avoided. Whether the latter is in support or not in support of the view being presented.

        And, please, no hard feelings intended. 🙂

        Wishing you a nice and happy weekend,
        Salva

        • The girl protagonist in the story might be struggling but not uncertain or shaky in any way. She is infact tough and tenacious. If you carefully read the lines, she has total respect for marriage and regards for elderly….this post is about the forced early marriage of young girls which is rampant on certain stratum of society which we all might not be exposed to…but that should not be the reason to make us feel less empathetic towards a cause or call…as far as surveys are concerned some are for real and some lop sided…this piece of literature is not based on any kind of survey…but it’s an illustration of what my senses guided me to express….in other words what I saw, heard or felt as a fellow human being on a first hand real life experience. And that prompted me to share it to others which I am sure many people can relate to…..now going by the survey as you quoted, there’s a substantial number of drop outs of young girls from college as they are pushed to get married prematurely. It further gets dismal when a girl is provided education just to become a suitable wife to a favourable man. Let’s treat all human equally, albeit girl or a boy and I guess that would be a true homage to the existence of God….being a parent I understand what it is to be like….I guess the most responsible and selfless pursuit ..a parent can just guide not force a child after he/she becomes an adult in life choices unless it’s a real faulty trail. If we cannot help, let’s not at least discourage our kids for aspiring to be something or do something good on their own. Kindly refer to a profound poem by Khalil Gibran on Children which I mentioned in one of my previous post. Neither It’s about old school vs modernism…its above that….it’s about equality and basic humanity for all. God bless and good night Salva.

  4. JB says:

    A relevant social issue that has been well presented through literary fiction. The point I wish to repeat is the change in parenting that is needed so that the basic human right of ” Exercising Choice” is preserved for all. Once again keep floating these relevant social issues as the more we discuss such issues, it occupies centre stage and changes society (irrespective of man made boundaries ). Thanks.

  5. In d end its d personal choice & you have very poignantly described such a sensitive issue of our social paradox. social contexts will change when we will change.Such a hitting note–“I dont want ot be another you” ! excellent. good wishes. 🙂

    • Thank you as you and me can relate to the situations like this in every day life…and yes the social paradigm shifts are most complex as it dwells to the vast erray of human psyche…but the need is to strive in our individual capacity….thanks for the read…

  6. I don’t have to go through this, frankly but I totally get the connect! It still does happen… In educated and well-bred houses. Which is really sad!

    • Yes indeed times are changing and let’s be optimistic about that…but the road ahead is daunting….which every society or civilisation has to go through the churn…let’s pray, hope and strive that it’s for best taking into consideration certain humane aspects…Thank you Mridula for the read…

  7. First of all, hats off to you for bringing up this topic that too with such a great creativity in your expressions. I see this forced marriage custom is still prevalent in my state and society. The biggest sorrow is that girls have to keep mum for the sake of her parents’ reputation in this wretched society or girls end up dreaming about New York. They stop considering themselves as an individual. It’s great to see a wonderful post speaking loud against forced marriage and (real)freedom for girls.

    • I am glad that you could relate as I did too with my peer group from the time I was in my college days though I was blessed to have great parents….these discriminations for some people becomes a part of life while for others to speak out…..to express or concern about certain social cause which is dear to your heart

  8. Because i don’t want to be another you.that has to be the best reply right?i agree this is still happening but i like to believe so much has changed and lets hope a day when parents ask their daughters when do you wanna get married and whom?this kind of posts are really rare.keep up the good work.

  9. Very thoughtful. If 10% of India’s youth wish to avoid marriage, we should give them a chance and see how they fare in life. May be they will do much better than others? Why not give them a chance?

  10. Wow. Hats off for this post !
    I agree with some comments, these days, parents are definitely changing but I also believe that there are still many girls who f ace this issue. So yes, cheers for the growth in mentalities and if people (like you) keep on spreading awareness through their posts, the change will not be that far. 🙂

  11. Wonderful post this one is 🙂
    Though the times are changing, parents are changing, there are too many social pressures (from every random person who wouldn’t help you ever) that simply doesn’t let the change pass on and spread.
    It’s so sad that few people fail to understand what blessing it is to have a daughter.
    I would also love to add that worrying about their marriage like they do for their son is good. What parent doesn’t want a bright future and a right partner for their child. Without making it a hindrance. I’ve seen living examples where one gets to continue their academic even after marriage.
    Only if ‘bahus’ were accepted as ‘betis’ and there wasn’t any dowry. Marriage would be seen in a different light, probably.

  12. A wonderful post. I loved the way you depicted questions and her actions and then her answers that she never gave. But the last answer she gave was wonderful. Yes, this is a reality for a lot of Indian girls still out there. But let’s hope things dont remain that way in future.

  13. Things have changed for the better, and continue to change for the better. In my opinion, the change can be faster if more girls/women, particularly those who are educated, stand up to their parents. Unfortunately, many girls/women give in to parental pressure because they do not want to hurt their parents. They must understand that respectfully challenging the status quo does not amount to disrespect. If the parents are ‘hurt’, so be it. It’s better than the girl/woman reluctantly jumping into the fire. I know it’s easier said than done, but there’s normally no gain without pain.

  14. I had just finished college when the topic of marriage was brought up for the first time in our household. All because some astrologer said that it was ‘my time’, ‘now or it will be too late’. I fought this conversation with everything I could possible muster up, and won, so to speak. I wasn’t ready then. I am now, but I’m in no hurry. Now, more than ever, I am realising how important it is to wait it out and not jump on to the wagon just because everyone else is.
    And marriage, my marriage, is my business. Since I moved back to India, I have realised how everyone thinks it is also their business. Questions about my age, being unmarried at my age, assumptions about my life, are things I face too often these days and soon someone is going to be at the receiving end of a good hearing from me.

    Sorry for making this comment more about me than your post. Just had all these thoughts come to mind when I read this. I loved how you conveyed your message in this post.

    “Because, I don’t want to be another you.” A very strong line 🙂

    • Life in itself and real life experiences is what inspires me to write and when you share your part of story…it just validates what I am trying to convey. So absolutely no issue…..I am glad that you could connect with the piece.

  15. Nice…What I like is the way you presented the content in the post. I know very little about the content to comment, and after reading these kind of posts and comments I am understanding now a days that life is some thing complex and confusing to some people. To me, life is simply nothing but GOD’s way of joking 🙂

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