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It’s a full circle

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It’s a full circle. My pursuit(career) started with India’s leading national daily TOI(The Times of India). I still feel the affinity and belongingness as it was more than an organisation but a family to me too those days. The learning, edification, and the bondings I made there still stays intact.
Saying so I cite below my article, an everyday short story picked up from daily humdrum of life with a theme of universal bonding in ‘The Times of India – Soul Curry‘ column:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes. The com/life-style/relationships/soul-curry/A-tale-of-two-moms/articleshow/52221544.cms

 

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An Inimitable Gift

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imageThe WordPress poem challenge few days back was elevating, proposing the poets to write a piece of poem or verse incorporating three distinctive elements together – ‘Acrostic’, ‘Simile’ and the theme should be ‘Gift’. Confining creativity within forms and boundaries do ask for efforts. The poem is a dedication to my son, my bundle of joy. Here’s my timid attempt:

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An Inimitable Gift

Mother to thee
Yonder destiny.
Sole riches
One’s earnest plea.
Nimble as Mercury,
Darlin’ of mine.
Igniting the light of affection;
Vermilion as dusk in glee.
Inundated kisses
Nature’s inimitable gift.
Epiphany in cacophony,
Gladness to authority.
Infinite like horizon
Fathoms my love for you,
The dearest of me.

 

 

Colour Blue denotes usage of Acrostic. An Acrostic is a poem or form of writing in which the first letter, syllable or word of each line or paragraph spells out a word or a message. ‘MY SON DIVINE GIFT’ is the acrostic being used in the poem.

Colour Red denotes usage of Simile.
A Simile is a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind through connecting words such as ‘like’, ‘as’, ‘so’, ‘then’, making the description more emphatic and vivid.

‘Mercury’ in the poem denotes Roman god known for his speed and mobility.

 

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My Birthdays

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A family is a unit. It’s an all encompassing medium which moulds, breeds and nurtures us into a being which we are today. The healthy development of family bond is vital to the well being of community and nation as well.

As a child, our parents are world to us. Saying so, there are about more than million kids who experience parental divorce each year, and infidelity is among the top factors associated with divorce. A child’s understanding of adult issues is very limited. Children at their tender age are incapable of comprehending the relationship dynamics. When a parent cheats on his or her spouse, a child feels as though cheated on and betrayed as well. Infidelity affects them deeply.

The emotional impact is deeper and has long- lasting impression. They begin to question the very foundation of their own relationships. The vicious cycle of shock, anger, anxiety, confusion, shame and then helplessness reruns again and again. The influence is such that the child afflicted, faces issues regarding trust, honesty and faith in future relationships all through out life mostly.

I present below a simple short story to illustrate how a child feels with this unexpected violation when being faced by parental infidelity, which was written by me few months back for an organisation devoted to social justice and welfare of community in large. The language is kept simple for the very fact that it delivers the internal conflict and dilemma of the affected child pertinently. The purpose of sharing this is to feel hard, feel deep and ask,

How infidelity can affect a child’s life?

Does it leave scars that lasts a lifetime?

Regardless, they are clearly impacted,
What if we ask children what they think about their parent’s infidelity?

“My Birthdays”

Tomorrow I am going to be twelve. My birthdays were always special. Something magical about it you know! For days ahead I would plan my dress, theme and flavour of the cake, list of my close girlies, whom I would call and invite personally. 

How I loved getting wished in the early morning wee hours. Papa would give me a warm hug and sing,
‘Happy Birthday to you….Happy Birthday to my Princess’ quite gleefully and then Maa(Mom) would stealthily place that gift under my blanket which I would uncover in a while. It used to be such a surprise! I love surprises.

Surprise it was. But this time, I just don’t want this one. I never thought that my life will change like this drastically forever. It’s been seven months since they don’t talk to each other properly except few necessities and unpleasant exchanges. We don’t eat together anymore. She watches her TV in bedroom and he, in the living area. There’s no family movie time anymore. Sometimes, he comes very late. Earlier he never did that.
I hear the bitter words and see the enraged expressions from distant. She cries and seems not at ease. Papa seems unpeaceful too. To tell you the truth, I too have lost my peace.

They think I don’t understand a word as i am a kid. I am just twelve. So, they give me all silly flimsy reasons. They used to tell me grown-up people fight and then make-up. But they never do that anymore. I know they don’t love each other anymore. Maybe they have moved apart. But Mom used to say
‘We are a family and that love is a thread which keeps us knitted and bonded together. And being a family, we stand for each other up until the last day.’
So what is it that changed everything?
Almost everything!
What happened?

I know what happened. I heard everything. He loves someone else.
Does that mean he don’t love us anymore?
Is he going to leave us then?
But I love both of them. I want both -Maa and Papa. We are a family – Maa, Papa and Anu.
What was my fault? I just want to have the same old family back where we loved each other deeply and ate, slept and watched TV together. I used to feel so protected and intact.
Now I feel hurt, insecure and vulnerable. You know, sometimes I feel so ashamed and embarrassed too to say the least. I used to think that when people love each other, they don’t break each other’s trust. They care for each other. They are committed to each other.
But Now I question,
‘Does LOVE even exist?’

He was my superhero.
Why he did that to me?
Maybe men are like this. If Papa can do that to us, any other man can. I will never trust a man anymore. I don’t want to marry when I grow up, not even a Prince Charming.
What if?

I know my family is broken and I have to live with this secret eternally, buried safely dearly inside my heart. I don’t know if I will ever feel secure again. Time might heal the wound but the scar will remain forever; ingrained.
It will remind me not to trust someone, not even a close one. It will torment me not to love someone ever deeply.
Today, I am sad.
I am angry and confused too.
In a moment I lost my childhood and with that my faith in relationships shattered. I feel unsafe and betrayed.

Anyhow I don’t wait for them anymore. I just pray if that wretched day could be skipped, or missed maybe!
Honestly sometimes I question,
“Why even I was born?”
“My Birthdays”
…………….will never be the same again.

 

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For you to Notice.

 

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Few years down, it was a small step with a true inspiring everyday short story ‘A tale of two Moms’ @http://www.chaitalibhattacharjee7.com/?p=58; a story which you and I can relate with a universal theme of maternal bonding. Then came a verse on female foeticide ‘Girl Unborn – The Monologue’ @http://www.chaitalibhattacharjee7.com/?p=334, an issue which time immemorial I have proclaimed dear to my heart.

While publications in acclaimed Huffingtonpost India, SoulSpot, Parentous and various other channels provided me with elation and content, but quite recently the incorrigible loss that left a void in my heart is still in the process of bereavement. As said time is powerful, I leave myself to its mercy. I lost my Moonlight, my Grandmom. Someone who gave me life’s biggest lesson ‘Never give up on love.’
A dedication year back ‘To my Moonlight’ @http://www.chaitalibhattacharjee7.com/?p=986 on a special day of her birthday brings back memories filled with fondness, love and purity.

Saying all this I just wanted to inform my readers, followers and fellow blogger friends that I moved from free WordPress site https://chaitalibhattacharjee7.wordpress.com into own domain http://www.chaitalibhattacharjee7.com. A sincere thank you to blogger friend Mr. Alok Vats for setting my domain.

To convey that this place which still stays as ‘Love, Life and Whatever’ is special to me is an understatement. An abode where I find my voice and where you listen to it ardently and share yours. A place where I write and express to inspire or amuse in some way. The outpourings of my readers made me realise how we interconnect at some level or other as human.
My writing is the reflection of my soul. This would have never been possible and the journey would have been that much inane without the kindness and the boost being showered by my readers and friends in each of my expressions(posts). Love for all.

 

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Children and Freedom: How much is too much?

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There’s nothing is this world parallel to a mother’s heart; the seemingly natural role at times transcends and surpasses a form beyond natural. The unique mother-child bond which we share with our own one is as exclusive yet an universal feeling. Being a mother has made me accept things out of my way, realising the bigger picture and above all charmed me to embrace love in its supreme element – Selflessness. 

While at the beginning of my blogging journey I have penned down a write-up on ‘Children and Freedom’ from my personal encounters and exposure to motherhood, which with your grace was much appreciated. With great pleasure I mention that the article is being published in the acclaimed Huffington Post India.
For my readers and fellow blogger friends, I submit the link below. I would much appreciate your time and views. Stay loved and at peace.

http://www.huffingtonpost.in/chaitali-bhattacharjee/lets-talk-about-freedompa_b_8280458.html

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Let’s talk about Freedom!

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What if we totally clip down any kind of freedom to our kids with the fear of harm it might cause, with our good intentions abound as a distressed parent! Surely, they will have fewer mistakes. But with lesser mistakes will be lesser learning. Can we then discount one of the primary role of a parent to nurture the kid to become a self sustainable human being? So are we up for this bargain! I guess no as that would be rather more harmful for my child in long run.

When it comes to parenting, there’s no magic pill or easy way out. I always feel that parenting is like a job of an unpaid juggler. With practice and years into it, we succeed but then we cannot totally be failure-proof as we are dealing with lives involved.
For deeper purview, click on the given link for my article titled Let’s talk about Freedom on Parentous.com @ http://www.parentous.com/2014/08/14/should-children-be-given-more-freedom/

Parentous.com is an acclaimed blog on parenting and an initiative by leading Indian blog BlogAdda.

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What we want our kids to be?

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All these years we have espied and realised the significance of IQ and EQ in our kid’s developmental stage, but now is the time that we give heed to yet another relevant but underrated facet of behavioural science and i would like to term it as MQ. Quite pertinently, MQ which stands for Moral Quotient is not only the corrective measure towards evolving our child to a better human being but also will lead us to a safer and secure world to live.

On this premise, Let’s ask a basic question to ourselves today:

What we want our kids to be?

Do we want our kids to be so-called successful but with tainted morals?

To engage into this matter effectively, you can visit my article titled What we want our kids to be? in Parentous.com at http://www.parentous.com/2014/06/28/want-kids-important-values-teach-child-parents/

Parentous.com is an acclaimed blog on parenting and an initiative by leading Indian blog BlogAdda. Parentous as a forum for parenting, is filled with all those little elements, thoughts, conversations, dilemmas, agony aunt tips, funny conversations, heart-rending episodes, experienced advice that come to govern the life of a parent. Thank you Blogadda and team Parentous for this opportunity.

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Work it out Moms…

 

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 Without much ado I want to present this recollection with a gloomy heart but a hopeful mind. Few months back when I shifted to this upscale villa community, it was all that I could have fancied for in terms of an ideal sanctuary with well-maintained, secured, neat surrounding and educated residents around as neighbours. But little did I apprehend at that juncture – ‘Does education leads to true enlightenment?’

With my augmented nesting spirit, for first few days I was pretty busy with unfurling my home essentials and building up my nest. And it was one such day while I was emptying my trash can, I happened to meet an elderly lady(my neighbour’s mom-in-law), gentle and welcoming in her demeanor. While with the first tete-a-tete with her, she asked me:

“Are you a working mom?”

Quite nonchalantly, I responded that I am not working right now as taking care of the lil monster(AB my son) 24*7 is my latest preoccupation. With a big smirk on her face and a smile of affirmation and pleased look, she complimented me that ‘You absolutely did the right thing by saying no to work’. As if I have been saved from God’s wrath….
Right or wrong I don’t know, but this could not afford a smile to my face, even if it was a praise to my deed. All I did care for at that point of time was a mother should not be assessed in terms of ‘Working or Non-Working.’
In fact it distressed me. It has always distressed me, whenever I have faced or sensed a situation which smells of inequality or trails towards biased barometers against women. Let me clear the air before I pursue further on this topic that I am a woman and I love every part of being a woman. But I don’t endorse any kind of extremism be it in any form. I believe in the school of thought that recommends ‘art of balancing’. More so I believe in humanism( I don’t know if there’s a term like that which exists, but the spirit that dwells into humanity); To make it sound clear, anything that values life on this earth without putting any clause like caste or creed and in this case gender, I respectfully defend that.

We accept it or not, mothers are the strongest influence in our life and so is motherhood as daunting and responsible a task. It takes real courage, selflessness, devotion and great amount of endurance to raise a child. I always felt that Stay-Home or Working, a mother never ceases to be a mother. What better way to put it than with this quote :

“She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn’t take them along.”
 – Margaret Culkin Banning

The other day while I was having a conversation with my husband over a much sought after weekend cup of tea, I was thrown to a delicate scenario. One of his female colleague(an HR lady junior to him) came to JB(my husband) and conveyed that since his boss, a male colleague who reports to JB has resigned and as replacement is still in process, she is worried. JB got confused – what is the worry for! Instead it was a golden opportunity for her to step up to the marks and might acquire the position. With further inquest she retorted back by saying, “I am aware of this promising break but I am not ready to take extra responsibilities in the firm. I might let go of this honour as I will not be able to do justice to either this or my kid at home, who still demands individual time and attention from me for her studies and many other aspects in day-to-day life. So, excuse me from this.”

And this made me wonder “How many men would have let go of a prospective opportunity like this?” May be none as many of the people I know around. What a bitter revelation! But truth is always truth though bitter. What is that made her to act like this? Is it her pure motherly instinct or certain subconscious underlying factors which subtly wooed her to do what she did!
It is a well-known fact that a working woman faces more challenges or dilemmas just because of the virtue of being a woman, which is sad. Even if we agree or not, there’s a blatant disparity which continues in real life, conditioned by social structuring and archaic attitudes. For ages we played the role of hunters and housekeepers, men being the primary bread earner. It had its own value but with time, this model seems redundant. I guess somewhere social attitude towards the role of a woman has to be reconditioned. There lies a pretty good amount of introspection and overhaul at social, economic, policy-making and at grass root levels in individual families to reaffirm impartial positive standards.

Be with me on this as I was exposed to both sides of the coin. Before my boy( my six-year-old son AB) was born, I worked with a leading media and publishing group for almost four years doing concept sales, event management, writing and editing, relationship marketing and even stamping innumerable pages for good old reasons God knows why. I did what I wanted to do. But then life changed when I held my baby boy for the first time on my arms, it was then that I felt the urge that now is the time to stay put, now is the time to layover. I wanted to spend each and every breath with him and be a part of this new lease of life to certain extent and bring him up to a self sustainable, well-balanced compassionate being, which I am sure all mothers want to.
Even if it’s rewarding, stay-home was not and is never easy. It’s the ceaseless never-ending toil of raising a kid by being with him/her 24/7 and constant rearing and attention they plea for, wears you out. It was my life and my choice which is the way I chose it to be and I am glad I am living it. Technology has played a bigger role in every aspect of modern life and in that sense infused the work-life stratum for people like me. And this has made me uplift my passion for writing once again even in the vicinity of AB sitting beside me practising his alphabet charts. I guess I got lucky in this but not all of us are, as other jobs demand varied deliverables.

The last piece of anecdote is as touching as it could be. We happened to meet a lady in one of the seminar on woman empowerment initiatives in a corporate scenario. Her life has been a story of sheer courage, hard work and determination. She was a guest speaker and she poured her heart out with various life instances and valuable lessons. One such tale which struck a chord to most of the moms present there is quite inspiring. Decade ago while she was working in a junior managerial level and her boy was around four or may be five, one day she noticed every morning before she left for her work, the little boy insisted upon switching the lights on which she always did in a rush. But then when the episode continued for a while and out of concern over a weekend she tried to extract the reason behind this unsettled behaviour of her son, what she unveiled could be real heart wrenching for any mom. The child said with his broken language that when the lights are on, ‘mom and dad come back home’. She was devastated…cried her heart out..and decided to quit and even went for counseling sessions. But then after much consultations and her spouse’s and immediate family’s intervention she took a position, which was of course not easy. It was more than the job, it was the mismanagement of her timings and the attention and quality time which she was not able to provide to her son which caused the way it was.

She pondered what she got herself into but then with big support from her husband and immediate family around and her sheer will-power, she completely rescheduled her life maintaining work timings stringently and coming home on time and spending some real quality hours and giving considerable attention to her son. To the extent that she was mocked for her perfect timings at office. Without paying much heed to any form of negativity, she continued with her life….it was full of effort but not impossible..and with time and patience, she mastered it somehow. Today she is a Director and Motivational Speaker for a well-known firm and continues to motivate and enlighten others with her many simple yet reliable tips. Most importantly, his son is in adolescence stage, and they are inseparable. He feels proud for his mother for what she stands for. What a real booster for a kid to look up to!

Even it has been proven by surveys around the world that quite recently the stress and depression levels have raised in stay-home moms too as I mentioned above those never-ending chores and demands from a kid around, is unavoidable. But then on the other side, the proverbial guilt most of the working-mom goes through is disheartening too. All I want to say that we are all in the same boat, balancing and tumbling it out. But then I would like to comfort them, that apart from making ends meet there are other perks too being a working mom, such as:

  • Obvious Economic or monetary viability.
  • Self-Actualisation – As being human, you cannot ignore your talent, skills or spirit just because you are a woman. And when you do something for your individual self, it leads to a happy you which in turn leads to a happy mother and that in turn will lead to a happy child. The crux is that if you are not contended inside you cannot make others happy, in this case your own child.
  • Years down the lane, you don’t have to struggle that much for ‘Empty-Nest Syndrome’ as you will have other things to hanker for.
  • Last but not the least, think about the legacy you are leaving behind …as your kids have seen it all and it will not be a big deal for them to have a working wife as for a son and to pursue a career as for a daughter.

I am not into ‘working vs stay-home mom’ game. That’s a question we need to answer for ourselves. What is the need of the hour as to have absent presence or real presence? All research points towards consistent loving, caring attitude of parents and a good mix of support, discipline and attention which are essential ingredients towards favourable child development. The need is to giving heed to rational guidance like this for optimal result, be it working or non-working.

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Life is all about choices, I disagree. Sometimes, it’s beyond the choices we make. Sometimes, it’s embracing and accepting  unavoidable, unforeseen situations beyond one’s control. Life is not always a picture we drew in our dream canvas while growing up. And the truth of the matter is choices are little harder if you are a woman. It’s inevitable we don’t always get what we want. But then we live it, we breathe it and so do we act it out in whatever best possible way under worst possible circumstances. But yes! it’s one life and your life, so you gotta Work it out Moms. And we mothers are not God.  We are just human but with godly qualities – a mother’s heart made of pure gold, unadulterated love, rock solid reliability and intentions true.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this tale, that I am hopeful in mind, yes indeed I am hopeful that sooner or later, we will see the change. I am hopeful that we will see a new day under the same sun, when terms like ‘working mom’ and ‘stay-home mom’ will become complete obsolete…..And all that will prevail is just a short simple three letter word on its own and that’s called MOM, which has a world in it. And let’s keep it that simple.