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It’s a full circle

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It’s a full circle. My pursuit(career) started with India’s leading national daily TOI(The Times of India). I still feel the affinity and belongingness as it was more than an organisation but a family to me too those days. The learning, edification, and the bondings I made there still stays intact.
Saying so I cite below my article, an everyday short story picked up from daily humdrum of life with a theme of universal bonding in ‘The Times of India – Soul Curry‘ column:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes. The com/life-style/relationships/soul-curry/A-tale-of-two-moms/articleshow/52221544.cms

 

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Till Death Do Us Part…

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“I am so hurt deep inside. But, what’s new? Every time and almost most of the time it’s been like this. When you have been taken for granted that’s how it feels like! The pain is that much, when you were so much dedicated that you forgot your own sense of being.
These words from one of my closest one, disturbed and distressed by her marriage, pierces me reverberating and somehow making me reflect,

What makes a relationship tick then?”

If it doesn’t work…it simply doesn’t how much ever you toil for it!
No, I am not a relationship guru neither have perfect relationships. But then if someone, somewhere can get sense out of it, I did be glad to share few simple revelations:

1. “It takes two to tango.”
Any relationship depends upon two people. Is it as simple as it sounds! If you are the one who is toiling harder and sweating it out more than your mate, possibility is it will never work out and you will always be running around the circle in this vicious cycle unless you want to chalk out your own line and break the circle and venture into the thinness of unknown.
Most of the time it’s the fear of unknown or the pragmatism that instinctively sneaks in as what if it works ! The ‘one more chance’ thing keeps one hopeful and aspiring. Mr.Optimist plays a foul card here. Quite precisely, its futile unless there’s a balance to own, toil and persevere from both end sincerely.

2. “You need to be madly in love.”
Sometime it helps. It really do! It helps when you are a tad bit madder then you should be. Matter of heart and love is a mystery in itself and nobody has a say on it from the time you fall in love up untill the time you are growing out of it. Chances are that if you love the person that much, truly, madly and deeply ( no I am not humming the song here) , you might as well not give up and that zest will keep you intact. Being a hopeless romantic, you don’t have to worry about the balance cards here as you choose to be the messiah in the relationship matrix towards the quest of love.

3. “Let bygones be bygones.”
People talk and advice. It is a well known fact that healthy relationships need respect, commitment, loyalty, emotional transparency, romance and the list may continue to fill the next few lines, which makes or breaks the deal. Being creatures of flesh and bone with a soul too, most of us have scars or issues unresolved from prior time and past liaisons.
And when the past comes hunting in the present scenario, It gets evoked and impacts the reality that we are living in today. It’s unfair and perceptive to decree the liabilities of unfinished business into this distinct and separate tie up, especially when all it needs is loving care and tender nurturing. Working with our own insecurities while keeping an open mind but alert heart with the acknowledgment that no two people on this earth are alike, will make the path little less resistant though. Try your best to drop old hang-ups and issues before you trail towards the valley of loveland. Though it’s easier said than done but one’s conscious practice can seal the deal.

4. “The only thing constant”
The proverbial cliche ‘change is constant’ is not just a fancy word. When it comes to relationship, it can play a pivotal role. Falling in love is not the same thing as staying or being in love. It ain’t a piece of cake. Embracing the change that comes along with the alliance and being aware of the fact that sometime it takes consistent effort to keep the ball rolling is the need. Having common ground as a team and considering each other’s feelings and perspectives is recipe for happy partnership. Let your partner influence you; not like one having hold over the other but in a way that it honours and respects both parties interest in totality.

5. “For better or worse”
Love and marriage are totally, totally two seperate entities. Believe it or not, although it is imperative to love your marriage and the one you are married to, but love doesn’t conquer all.
Choose wisely. Family as a crucial social unit is the offspring of marriage. The very basis of society thrives on the simple fact that happy marriages lead to happy family and which in turn contributes to better stable society. Marriage is an institution in itself. Keeping other criterias such as physical attractiveness, comfort and moolah factor aside, attributes for institution like this rather demands intelligence, adaptability, reliability and compatibility for the long term haul. A noted relationship expert once quipped,
“If you choose someone with traits that drive you crazy or make you sad while you’re dating, then those traits will make you crazy or sad for decades to come. So you need to choose well, because most of the time what you see is what you get.”

We all come across junctures in our life, where we feel weak, vulnerable and experience momentary lapse of rationality. These are the moments which makes us aware that we are stronger and enduring enough than we know we are. How we pick ourself up when we fall is the true test of our character. In actuality there’s no right or wrong way to fix relationships as it deals with human attributes which has myriad shades and undertones ingrained in it. But recognising when it’s not working and being honest when it needs a fixing is the first step towards better bonding. Finding your own way that works, keeping in mind the crucial facts and cues that has lead you to where you stand today, is the prerequisite.
The saying goes ‘Marriages are made in heaven.’
The matter of fact is it has to breath, toil, persevere and survive on this earth only. It’s upto you and your partner in unison to build a heaven or create a hell out of it.

 

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An Inimitable Gift

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imageThe WordPress poem challenge few days back was elevating, proposing the poets to write a piece of poem or verse incorporating three distinctive elements together – ‘Acrostic’, ‘Simile’ and the theme should be ‘Gift’. Confining creativity within forms and boundaries do ask for efforts. The poem is a dedication to my son, my bundle of joy. Here’s my timid attempt:

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An Inimitable Gift

Mother to thee
Yonder destiny.
Sole riches
One’s earnest plea.
Nimble as Mercury,
Darlin’ of mine.
Igniting the light of affection;
Vermilion as dusk in glee.
Inundated kisses
Nature’s inimitable gift.
Epiphany in cacophony,
Gladness to authority.
Infinite like horizon
Fathoms my love for you,
The dearest of me.

 

 

Colour Blue denotes usage of Acrostic. An Acrostic is a poem or form of writing in which the first letter, syllable or word of each line or paragraph spells out a word or a message. ‘MY SON DIVINE GIFT’ is the acrostic being used in the poem.

Colour Red denotes usage of Simile.
A Simile is a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind through connecting words such as ‘like’, ‘as’, ‘so’, ‘then’, making the description more emphatic and vivid.

‘Mercury’ in the poem denotes Roman god known for his speed and mobility.

 

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My Birthdays

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A family is a unit. It’s an all encompassing medium which moulds, breeds and nurtures us into a being which we are today. The healthy development of family bond is vital to the well being of community and nation as well.

As a child, our parents are world to us. Saying so, there are about more than million kids who experience parental divorce each year, and infidelity is among the top factors associated with divorce. A child’s understanding of adult issues is very limited. Children at their tender age are incapable of comprehending the relationship dynamics. When a parent cheats on his or her spouse, a child feels as though cheated on and betrayed as well. Infidelity affects them deeply.

The emotional impact is deeper and has long- lasting impression. They begin to question the very foundation of their own relationships. The vicious cycle of shock, anger, anxiety, confusion, shame and then helplessness reruns again and again. The influence is such that the child afflicted, faces issues regarding trust, honesty and faith in future relationships all through out life mostly.

I present below a simple short story to illustrate how a child feels with this unexpected violation when being faced by parental infidelity, which was written by me few months back for an organisation devoted to social justice and welfare of community in large. The language is kept simple for the very fact that it delivers the internal conflict and dilemma of the affected child pertinently. The purpose of sharing this is to feel hard, feel deep and ask,

How infidelity can affect a child’s life?

Does it leave scars that lasts a lifetime?

Regardless, they are clearly impacted,
What if we ask children what they think about their parent’s infidelity?

“My Birthdays”

Tomorrow I am going to be twelve. My birthdays were always special. Something magical about it you know! For days ahead I would plan my dress, theme and flavour of the cake, list of my close girlies, whom I would call and invite personally. 

How I loved getting wished in the early morning wee hours. Papa would give me a warm hug and sing,
‘Happy Birthday to you….Happy Birthday to my Princess’ quite gleefully and then Maa(Mom) would stealthily place that gift under my blanket which I would uncover in a while. It used to be such a surprise! I love surprises.

Surprise it was. But this time, I just don’t want this one. I never thought that my life will change like this drastically forever. It’s been seven months since they don’t talk to each other properly except few necessities and unpleasant exchanges. We don’t eat together anymore. She watches her TV in bedroom and he, in the living area. There’s no family movie time anymore. Sometimes, he comes very late. Earlier he never did that.
I hear the bitter words and see the enraged expressions from distant. She cries and seems not at ease. Papa seems unpeaceful too. To tell you the truth, I too have lost my peace.

They think I don’t understand a word as i am a kid. I am just twelve. So, they give me all silly flimsy reasons. They used to tell me grown-up people fight and then make-up. But they never do that anymore. I know they don’t love each other anymore. Maybe they have moved apart. But Mom used to say
‘We are a family and that love is a thread which keeps us knitted and bonded together. And being a family, we stand for each other up until the last day.’
So what is it that changed everything?
Almost everything!
What happened?

I know what happened. I heard everything. He loves someone else.
Does that mean he don’t love us anymore?
Is he going to leave us then?
But I love both of them. I want both -Maa and Papa. We are a family – Maa, Papa and Anu.
What was my fault? I just want to have the same old family back where we loved each other deeply and ate, slept and watched TV together. I used to feel so protected and intact.
Now I feel hurt, insecure and vulnerable. You know, sometimes I feel so ashamed and embarrassed too to say the least. I used to think that when people love each other, they don’t break each other’s trust. They care for each other. They are committed to each other.
But Now I question,
‘Does LOVE even exist?’

He was my superhero.
Why he did that to me?
Maybe men are like this. If Papa can do that to us, any other man can. I will never trust a man anymore. I don’t want to marry when I grow up, not even a Prince Charming.
What if?

I know my family is broken and I have to live with this secret eternally, buried safely dearly inside my heart. I don’t know if I will ever feel secure again. Time might heal the wound but the scar will remain forever; ingrained.
It will remind me not to trust someone, not even a close one. It will torment me not to love someone ever deeply.
Today, I am sad.
I am angry and confused too.
In a moment I lost my childhood and with that my faith in relationships shattered. I feel unsafe and betrayed.

Anyhow I don’t wait for them anymore. I just pray if that wretched day could be skipped, or missed maybe!
Honestly sometimes I question,
“Why even I was born?”
“My Birthdays”
…………….will never be the same again.

 

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A Relationship

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A dainty bloom
impregnated with fondness,
Nurtured by faith.
Termites of mistrust
can devour it to death.
Seldom words of expression
offers bounty in validation.
But in the end,
All that tantamounts is
each act and every deed
of thoughtfulness and dedication.

An invisible thread;
Fragile but iridescent
Merging two absolute –
though distinctive and resolute.
Hearts intermingle.
Subconscious interconnect.
Unfamiliar becomes familiar
in the longing for completion.
And on the trail towards unknown,
Hope springs from dejection.

We are creatures of logic
But emotions too.
In search of finding the suitable,
When we dare to reveal ourself fully
and care to be vulnerable,
When we refuse to amuse the old sores
howmuch ever palpable,
Only then can we find –
The richness and direction.
A Relationship
Which thrives on genuineness,
true dependability and no imitation.

An intersection;
Which breathes on selflessness
and deeper comprehension.
A point, a place;
Which is enduring enough
to withstand any odds or ordeal
regardless how patchy or rough
with the bliss of togetherness
and ardent devotion.

As matters of heart has it’s own frame!
This ain’t a number game,
where two halves do not make a whole.
When it comes to Love,
It takes two wholes
to make a consummate relation.
A state, A bond,
An Unison;
Where souls blossom
while in the path of self-realisation.